Memory Monday #4

If you've been following along with my Memory Mondays, you already know I was pretty bratty.  This post is skipping ahead (past several years of selfishness, trying to fit in, and worry after worry about who thought what of me) to the summer before my Junior year.  This entry was just 3 months before I gave my life to Jesus and changed Eternity!

Auguest 18th, 1998
Douglas, 
Hey.  I'm so dumb.  I just watched this scary show and then this guy came to the door at 1am asking about some free chair in the yard and then the door blew operand now I'm paranoid!  Anywho - today was a crappy day.  I worked - people didn't show up so we were very short handed.  But yah, my parents bought a new couch today and that really bothers me for some reason.  I was so comfortable on the other one, and I would sit at work and think about how nice it was and I just want to go home and sink into that wonderful couch cause it meant home and security, but now it's going to the church to the youth room.  The youth room means lies and boredom, and selfishness to me.  All of the opposites of what the couch meant.  I'm sure my sure my parents will get good use out of the new one though.  I don't understand why I'm so grouchy to my dad either.  I wish he didn't try so hard at parenting.  I'm tired. Let's just hope the buggie man stays away!
- Wendlin. 


Here's my thoughts: My being afraid of the dark and of people has been a problem for a while.  Even now I cannot stay home alone at night. I worked as a life guard at the pool for 6 years. It was the best job ever.  You just sit all day, in the sun and bake.  Every so often you talk to some kids about what they're doing wrong and ONE time I saved a Mexican dude from the deep end.  I would love to have that job again, but there's something weird about a 30 year old life guard mom.  Don't ya think?  


I clearly remember my over reaction to my parent's getting ga new couch.  I really liked the old one I guess.  I think there must have been some crazy hormones flying around my head too - I FREAKED OUT.  Crying, yelling... sorry mom and dad for that!  I can say that from reading my other entries that I wasn't very comfortable anywhere.  I always felt awkward and like no one really cared.  I think it's really interesting though how I viewed church.  It was only a month after that I decided to call myself Agnostic.  I was really searching for something.  I was searching for the GOSPEL and I didn't even know it!  I hated that I wasn't comfortable anywhere and I even hated how I treated my own family.  Funny how God started showing me my need for a savior (not a couch like I thought) months before my salvation!  Love it.  Can't wait for the next post!

Any by the way, I had to edit this because while I was mulling this all over in my head today I remembered that I wanted to note just how glad I am that my dad (and mom too) were trying so hard to parent me.  I bet it was hard!  And not very rewarding at that time.  But I know now (all too well because of what I see in our high schoolers at church) that they were doing the best they could to be involved and love me and guide me through some pretty rough growing up years!  Love you Mom and Dad.  Thanks!